You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
