Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
