oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
