oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
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