I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
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