is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
