24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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