got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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