I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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