At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
