so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
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I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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