i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
bring money and cleavage
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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