so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
