Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize