im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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