So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
