he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
