just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
