apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
