i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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