she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
