i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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