So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
