Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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