WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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