Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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