My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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