Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
