i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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