I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize