I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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