white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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