If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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