oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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