The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
