Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
