U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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