I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Randomize
