You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
