you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
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Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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