i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
