Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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