You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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