I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
