The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
