Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Randomize
