Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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