In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
