I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I want you more than these girls want KFC
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
