Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
