I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
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my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
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Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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