So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
