theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
