he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
