Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
