there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
