omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Thank you for not boning my boss.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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