His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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