Where did you get a picture of my penis
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
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