my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
