she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Your dad touched me again.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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