i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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