I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
