I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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