he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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